Friday, 4 October 2013

In Loving Memory

Today, I'm bending the rules of my blog, just a little bit. I want to dedicate this post to the woman who inspired me to chase after my dreams, even when everyone else told me that I'd never make it: my Grandma Carol. Today would have been her 69th birthday.

My Grandma, Carol
I lost her 7 years ago, although it feels like just yesterday, on a warm summer day in July. We were swimming in the pool, my brother and I, when my mom ran screaming into the backyard. We all went to the front of the house and saw my grandma laying on the front steps, having a heart attack. I wish I could say anything else, but seeing her there is the last time I saw her alive and I've regretted never saying goodbye every day since.

When I lost my grandma, I felt as if my whole world had just collapsed in on itself. It wasn't until years later when I realized that it was just the beginning of her legacy to me.

In the 11 short years that I had with this amazing woman, she taught me all the skills I would need to survive a lifetime without her.

She taught me to treat others better than the way you'd want to be treated; my grandma always put others first even at a great personal cost to herself. When I was little, she dove off the porch (breaking quite a few ribs I'm told), to catch me before I fell off onto the ground and hurt myself. She would rather suffer herself than see me scrape my knees.

Another lesson that she left me with, the inspiration for this blog in fact, was to chase after my dreams and to find my own happiness. This lesson is probably the one that has stuck with me the most these 7 years. During the first 11 years of my life, I'd faced a lot of adversity. I would come home bruised and cut on the outside, but completely defeated on the inside from bullying at my elementary school.

Whenever I felt like giving up, she would always pull me aside, sit me on her lap and tell me that my worth as a person was more than the way others treated me. She would always encourage me to live more than their words and labels and stay true to myself because I would find my own path in life.

How this ties into my blog is this: if I had listened to my bullies, I wouldn't be here right now writing this blog. I wouldn't be blogging about all the things I hoped to accomplish in my life, Before I'm Pushing Daisies.

On my grandma's tombstone there is a phrase that says: "To live on in the hearts of those we love is not to die". I truly do hope that I am living worthily and doing justice to the life and legacy of my grandma, because I honestly believe she is somewhere looking over me and I hope that she would be proud. In loving memory.

This wasn't how it's supposed to be...In Loving Memory
Video Source: "In Loving Memory" - Jamestown Story


  1. Your grandma seemed really amazing and i'm sorry for your loss. This post made me think about my grandma and how I felt when she passed away, it really brang up some old memories. If you don't mind telling, what would your favourite memory of your grandma be?

    1. She was an amazing woman, and in some ways she still is as she lives on as an influence in the lives of her grandchildren. I'm really sorry to hear about your grandmother as well, its so hard losing such a positive role model when we're young; sometimes it feels like you hardly have a chance to know someone before they're gone.
      I would have to say my favorite memory of my Grandma would be more of a collection of memories rather than a single event. She lived in the basement en-suite apartment in my house and every night before bed (or if I was avoiding going to bed!) I'd go down to her living room, sit on her lap in the "Lazy Boy" recliner and we'd watch "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" together. To be honest, I don't remember any time she ever got a question wrong; my brother and I used to call her the walking-talking dictionary! Mostly the best memories are the times like that - time spent just enjoying the company of each other

  2. Your Grandmother must have been a lovely person. I'm sorry for your loss. I think it's great that she taught you such valuable lessons and was there for you no matter what.